AWKWARD.

In the middle of the room, I could feel that the walls were enclosing upon me, I was suffocating, I could barely breathe. My eyes wandering off to pay heed to details, like as if this was not a familiar place; taking notice for the very first time of the microwave's broken handle, barely holding on the edge. Everything was so hazy and blurred that I felt my vision being completely blocked and the world was spinning around in circles; as if someone had pulled up the blinds allowing the rays of the sun to stream through and their brightness causing flash blindness.

A radical unlikely possibility was the best explanation at the moment for what I was experiencing. Had I drank too much vodka? Had I partied too hard? Or worse! Maybe I had gone back to the good old days of snorting cocaine and disguising my misery. They do say old habits die hard. I have never felt so out of context with this circle of friends, to just be in their presence was like a safe haven for me. I could feel that the place which I used to call home, being snatched and taken away from me so far beyond that I would never be able to find it again.

Their conversations would calm me down, guide me and we could discuss and talk about each and every matter but all of a sudden that reposeful contained soothing feeling felt like was lost forever. I used to be the center of attention, I felt like saying something but I just didn't care enough. I could just go sit in the corner. All alone right next to the freakishly annoying standing glass mantel clock. With complete confidence, I could say neither of the three would notice the bizarreness of the situation - and I ain't being cocky!
 
Their words sounded like as if they were speaking a language alien to me. For the first time I was distracted, lost in my own world, hearing noises I would usually ignore. That of the bustling fast shabbily blue coloured sky train passing by outside the apartment, overpowering their hearty laughs and high pitched voices. I did not have the slightest idea, the tiniest clue, no hint whatsoever! About why they were screaming on top of each others voice. Phrases that's all I could catch from the midst of their heated up conversation so disconnected like as if I was some kind of ghost or dead meat to them.
 
Was I too far fetched in my surreal dreams and fantasies. Or was it the nerve-wracking pressure of the work load at the office. Perhaps even the stress of completing the thesis for my doctorate by the end of the month. There were many countless reasons for why this was happening but my mere existence seemed to be of little importance to them at the time, as if I was 'resting in peace' in their sights. Over analyzing and being crumbled with so many different thoughts, I couldn't figure it out my self.

I just had to get out of the room, it was like my body was being crushed by this immense powerful imaginary force and likewise an extraordinary pain boiling furiously right out of my gut. The escape boat, I had been waiting for like a period that seemed so long and never ending, finally came by. I could not bear to spent another second in this company. With the excuse that the buzzer of the oven in which a delicious spicy chicken was being roasted went off, in a jiffy I stood up and left to take a moment outside in the terrace. The looks on their faces were astonishing, heartbreaking, leaving me speechless as if I was not present this whole time, as if I was a stranger, an outlier. It was a long awkward moment ...